Wow! I can hardly believe it has been almost 4 months since I have been here! Now September is here and all around us things are gearing up for the "school year." Not us though--thankfully. We are in the midst of SCA plans and Not Back to School Camp plans. Things might slow down for us toward the end of October but I am not really looking forward to it. Not with the approaching first holiday season without Jossilyn.



June was a horrible month for me. I made it through April and May--Jossil's birthday, Josie's birthday, Kaleb's birthday... Then came June with my birthday on the fifth and all I could think was, "I don't need another birthday when my girl won't have any more..." And things went downhill from there. I just wanted to be cranky and grumpy and sad. Maybe I needed to do that, but it didn't seem fair to the other kids.



But July came along with Great Northeastern War and I dragged myself up out of the hole a bit. Then in August I took Kelsey, Jacob and Kaleb to Pennsic War in PA. We had such a good time. I had fun. It was the break I have been needing for the past three years (nasty divorce and custody battle, immediately followed by Jossilyn's diagnosis, battle, and subsequent death...) I would never have admitted how badly I needed it before I went. It was a tough decision to go. Jossilyn was so looking forward to it. But I am so glad we did.



I even went out on a date. Hung out with adults. And met a guy who reminded me that men can actually be fun. A idea that had previously been crushed by the drama of my psycho ex-husband. Scandalous, I know. LOL



Anyway, I came home in a better frame of mind. I still miss my girl every day but the spells of being completely snowed under by grief have receded for now. I feel like I have regained a certain measure of equilibrium. I am being a better mom again--a little more like my old self again. And I am being my own person again instead of solely focusing on the kids due to crisis situations.



I am even going to Rhode Island for a weekend with NO KIDS!!!