We are home. It is very strange. I guess it still isn't real for us yet--like Jossil is at a friend's house and will be back home in a couple of days. I see her in everything: the shampoo that she picked out, her dolphin mosaic she made and hung on the door, "hand me downs" my two little ones wear, etc. She's not gone. She CAN"T be gone. We just can't see her right now...

Kelsey and I sat up talking about Jossilyn until about 2am. Not crying really, though we both got a little teary. We both wonder when it will hit us that it is all too real and worry about how that will be... The boys were in and out while we talked and Kaylin and Josie were sleeping.

The service was on Monday. When we left the church, Josie said "I want to see Jossiryn smile." It broke my heart all over again. She and Kaylin had no hesitation to touch Jossilyn, patting her hand and her face. Of course they are full of tough questions.

Their father has gone back to his job in Martha's Vineyard. It was a relief to see him go. I only wanted to kill him 5 or 6 times for asinine things he has said the past 1 1/2 weeks. I had to consciously remind myself that I can't expect him to be anydifferent than he is. (He is NPD--narcissistic personality disorder.)

Before he left on Monday he invited the kids and me to come down to the Vineyard and visit so he could hang out with the kids. I told him I thought we just needed to hang out and try to get used to living our lives without Jossilyn. He said, "Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I'll call you next week when you guys are over it..."

NEXT WEEK.

Yes, he said NEXT WEEK!