So, as expected, the cancer is still there. It is proving more aggressive than was hoped. Even though her counts haven't recovered, they are starting the next round of chemo within minutes. More Cytarabine which has been her major chemo drug right along. The new one being added that she has never had before is Mitoxantrone. It is blue. It turns the urine blue. It can also turn tears, sweat and the whites of the eyes blue. That sounds like a lot of fun, huh? (NOT)
I was told today that it is not uncommon for relapsed AML to not go into remission after the 1st round of chemo. Is, in fact, common that it needs a couple of rounds. What if this time doesn't work? I asked. They were somewhat evasive. "There are other things we haven't tried."
I need to not think that far ahead. We won't know if this round works for another 4 weeks at least.
People keep saying, "You are so strong." I don't feel strong. I don't want to have to be strong. Some nights I feel like I might just fly into a thousand pieces if someone touches me.
Wednesday night was bad. Real bad...
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1 comment:
Of course you don't feel strong. You are living a nightmare. And in my opinion you don't need to "be strong" for your baby...you only need to be real. This sucks.
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