Last night Jossilyn developed another fever

I have been expecting it . When asked, or when posting, I would say that she seemed better--mostly because all her vital signs were fine. But I knew she had something brewing. She has been very subdued since Tuesday evening and anyone who knows Jossilyn knows that "subdued" is not an adjective used to describe her.

She has also been complaining of abdominal pain since Wednesday, but the doctors could not pinpoint a cause. So they just gave her some pain med--morphine. Yesterday her pain was increasing and she finally spiked a temp. 38.8C (102F) Fortunately Tom was the resident on call--he is the one I actually like and trust.

She had to go down and have a CT scan done at 2:00AM. The colon appears irritated and an infection is starting to develop on her liver. I was up until 4:30AM.

So her antibiotics have been switched up again. They d/c'd one and started another. She received a platelet transfusion this morning. They started her on an anti-fungal med, amphotericin, for the infection which could have side effects that may necessitate the addition of some Demerol. (Evidently the nurses have nicknamed it ampho-terrible because it makes you feel really crappy.) They have started her on TPN (IV nutrition) And she now has PCA which is a continuous morphine drip with a button she can push for an added boost if needed. Tomorrow she will go down for another CT scan unless her condition worsens, in which case she will go down again tonight. In addition to all this, the CT also showed that the 'pneumonia" in her lungs has worsened.

She has mostly been sleeping today.

Tomorrow, when Ashley is on again I will ask about the larger ramifications of the situation. I was not ready to hear it today and certainly not from Mike, the resident who is on now.

It has been obvious all along to me that she is much sicker than she was in 2005. But she really did extraordinarily well. Not that it was easy or anything, but comparatively it was. Is this "normal?" Do they expect this stuff? Or is it a bad sign that she is just having one thing after another?

I try to prepare myself for the worst. Prepare myself? Is that possible?? Brace myself, maybe. Steel myself. I struggle with what to say to the other kids. I don't want to worry them unnecessarily, but I don't want them caught completely unaware either. Right now, they aren't asking too much. Kelsey, Jacob and Kaleb know things are serious. They know things aren't going as well as last time. Kaylin and Josie???

How am I supposed to do this?